Outlet, December 2010

My proudest poem for creative writing.

Outlet
A breath of conscious thought
Jolting me into reality
Electrocutes my circuit veins.
How quickly I pull my hand away,
But that tickle lingers.
My flesh is reddened-raw.
The heart struggles to escape its prison.
Tears splash into my wiry hair
As the scream reverberates.
But it’s done more good than harm.
Pain, another Life Lesson learned.

Hades Shadow, December 2010

The sonnet assignment for creative writing. Get kinky with it ;)

Hades’ Shadow
You are but a shadow dancing in light
Disappearing in the darkest hour.
Whilst I lie alone in the dead of night,
I cannot elude your siren power.
This addiction to your bitter-sweet touch
Is beyond what my poor heart can withstand.
I am in anguish from living as such;
While I watch the ebbing hour-glass sand.
I loath what fuels this eternal flame’
For it burns with insatiable desire.
I forever seek to escape this game
Yet at every turn I’m engulfed by your fire.
        Because I remain victim of your spell,
        Faithfully, I wait, at the gates of Hell.

Sweet Demise, December 2010

Another piece for creative writing.

Sweet Demise 
He escapes into the dark night
As black as his liver must be
To purchase a long necked idol
And worships with clasped hands, eyes shut.
Salty water baptizes his cheeks
As he kisses what is holy.
The liquid burn ignites his soul
Relief floods throughout his body.
Finally he is born anew. 

He knows these nightly prayers are false.
Promising only a moment,
And the façade is quick to fade.
But at least it’s a chance at bliss,
However short lived it may be.
How can he not give thanks and praise
To the sweet spice of sacrifice?
It has to be a gift from God.
It’s been his only connection. 

When the sky becomes a medley
Of pink, purple and golden hues;
And birds sing melodiously
To thank the sun for its return
He does not stir, idol in hand.
His limp body of gray and white,
Will not be found for days on end,
The silent pretense of his house
Gave no alert to the neighbors.

There was no one left to notice
A man’s shameful whiskey downfall.
But in the end he wasn’t wrong,
His prayers had finally brought him
One step closer to meeting God.

The Horror of Fear, November 3, 2012

Fourth British Horror paper, don't ask me what happened in between these one's my memory falls short. I don't hate it though.

The Horror of Fear

Professor Leicester’s essay, “What’s a Horror Movie?”, discusses the concept of defining, “the discourse of horror,” by the repetition of certain, “elements, whether words or images or bodily motions or institutions that can be used to signify horror (the affect), because they’ve been used that way before” (2).  Michael Reeves’ Witchfinder General (1968) conforms to these criteria of “horror”. Based on its basic content of gore, rape, the perceived supernatural, and screaming women it can be discerned that this movie has clearly, “seen other horror films”.  While the movie does mirror its predecessors, it also serves as its own form of, “the mirror stage,” to its viewer by mimicking repetitive human nature, thus, “convert[ing] the image to, and treat[ing] it as, a body capable of being desired or feared” (Leicester 13, 15).  Witchfinder General (1968), based on real events, is set in a time of great upheaval during Britain’s civil war, and genuinely reflects the way people react during times of political unrest.  The witch hunt performed by Mathew Hopkins and his sadistic assistant, John Stearne, exemplifies the results of powerful people using fear-mongering as a control device.  Actual witch hunts took place around the world until the late 18th century, causing several innocent people to be tortured and killed.  Witchfinder General (1968) depicts the cruelty that had been administered to the accused during the scenes in which the priest, chained and imprisoned, is brutally abused in order to coerce his “confession”, as well as the “public trial,” where he and two women are thrown into a moat as a test of witchcraft.  Beyond the disgust and discomfort that the “elements of horror” cause, the film illustrates the frightening reality of human vulnerability to manipulation.

After Hopkins informs Stearne that he is finally allowed to inflict pain upon John Lowes, the accused priest, the camera closes up on Stearne’s smiling face and, in accordance with the stock elements of “horror”, the man breaks into maniacal laughter.  A match cut then displays Lowes, chained and bleeding, as Stearne beats him and demands a confession. Hopkins, Tom Salter, and another man watch the interrogation from outside the cell.  Despite his suffering, a weakened Lowes still refuses to admit to any crimes.  It is at this point that Hopkins insists that, “he confessed, you heard him.”  When Tom Salter -out of explicit voyeuristic pleasure, rather than the pursuit of truth- denies this assertion, Stearne, “refresh[es] his memory.”  He grabs Salter’s shirt collar and slams him into the bars that separate them.  Salter immediately revokes his previous position with a frantic nod.  Although Salter has no difficulties watching an innocent man treated with great cruelty, when his own safety is threatened he becomes inclined to protect himself.  He has seen the torment these men have subjected and his terror compels him to succumb to their demands.  Unlike Salter, who stands as close as possible to observe the physical violation of Lowes, the other man stands at a considerable distance from the action.  He immediately accepts Hopkins’ assertion that he too heard the confession.  This man has now seen the agony Hopkins is capable of producing to the accused, as well his reaction to being contradicted.  Beyond any physical threats, the man has now ascertained the magnitude of power these men have within the alleged judicial process.  Naturally, his instantaneous compliance is motivated by his own trepidation at these discoveries.  The scene ends when, with a nod of his head, Hopkins utters a single word: “witnesses”.

Once again, the following scene transitions with a match cut featuring several villagers following the condemned with the intention of being, “witnesses,” to the atrocious treatment of their peers.  As the mob makes its way towards the moat, the camera closes up on three nooses hanging from a tree.  This particular shot serves to represent the preconceived fate of the three, “confessed idolaters.”  During the journey to the destination, the crowd is rambunctious and seemingly excited for the proceedings.  When “Stearne go[es] on with [his] task,” the group’s attitude rapidly shifts as the yells and laughter cease, leaving only the pleading screams of the victims.  The previous enthusiasm for the theoretical swiftly depreciates as reality sets in.  This type of response identifies with the notion that, “failures of repression... make[s] the source of what turns [someone] on and what horrifies [someone] the same thing,” implying that the general group is both aroused and appalled by their own fear (Leicester,12) .  After the alleged are lowered into the water, Lowes and one other woman swim to stay afloat while the second woman sinks and is allowed to drown.  As a result, the first two are considered to, “have the mark of Satan upon them,” while the latter, now dead, is determined innocent.  Hopkins’ skewed version of, “Due Process,” in this scene manages to instill fear amongst the masses.  Those who believe in his accounts of witches and their characteristics will undoubtedly spread their fears by speaking of their “firsthand encounters”.  After seeing the unavoidable results of being accused, others might join the mob mentality as an instinctual method to remain safe from suspicion.  In other words, those who contradict Hopkins’ practices, such as Sara Lowes and Richard Marshall, are susceptible to torture and quite possibly death.

“What a horror movie offers is ‘horror,’ a discursive or Symbolic presentation of what has been previously made by culture in order to call forth horror” (Leicester, 16).  Witchfinder General (1968) uses Mathew Hopkins as a representation of powerful self- serving people who find opportunity in despair.  During times of unease, such as war, citizens can often feel uneasy about their safety.  During the introduction the narrator states that, “the structure of law and order has collapsed, “and the “justice and injustice are dispensed in more or less equal quantities, and without opposition.”  This environment allows for the easy manipulation of frightened citizens in search of some sense of safety.  The need for control causes the people in this film to go along with these witch hunts.  Mathew Hopkins capitalizes on the unease and fear of these people by fostering a greater sense of fear through the public torture of innocent people.  The “horror” offered in this film is the breakdown of society without structured government and law and the loss of morality brought about by such circumstances.

Camera Angles: An Effect on Affect, October 7, 2010

My first paper in British Horror. Erik Bachman said that it was "a promising start to the quarter." I'll hold onto that win forever!

Camera Angles: An Effect on Affect

Director, Val Guest, creates a world that is once again faced with the threat of conquering aliens in his film, “Quatermass 2”.  Throughout the sci-fi horror film, certain techniques are employed to establish inter-film connections to its audience.  When two of the characters first arrive to the scene of paranormal occurrences, the use of a high-angle shot creates a link to a preceding image.  Later on in the movie, when Quatermass involves his detective friend, several film devices are used to establish the point where “the plot thickens.”  In this particular scene there is a shot-reverse-shot sequence in the first person as well as a close up that make this encounter markedly dramatic.  It is with the use of these angles and shot sequences that the characters discover the most disturbing oddities, producing moments that are more noticeable and therefore more meaningful to the viewer. 

When the protagonist, Quatermass, enters his laboratory he and one of his colleagues begin to discuss their plans to colonize the moon.  During their conversation, there is a clear view of the structural model that they plan to build as the two men look down upon it.  Later on in the film, Quatermass and his assistant, Marsh, head to the location of the alleged meteorite landing.  It is here that the audience is presented with a similar image.  When the men arrive, a high-angle shot frames what has become of Winnerton Flats.  Several futuristic-looking large steel domes can be seen beneath them. The shot is filmed from behind the two men displaying their distance from the structure, along with their size relation.  At the same time, the high-angle shot has the effect of making to structure appear smaller than it would be from a different angle.  With the size distortion that this angle projects, the buildings look very similar to the model seen in the laboratory.  Because the view is partially blocked by the men, it is difficult to tell how exact the structure is.  The two men look down upon the “factory” as they would look at their own design to create a sub-atmosphere beyond their planet.  Although Quatermass dismisses the likeness as, “a coincidence of shapes,” an eerie parallel has been drawn.

After Quatermass has confirmed his suspicions of alien life forms, he pays a second visit to inspector Lomax to inspire a government investigation.  He convinces the inspector to bring the matter to the commissioner.  Lomax approaches his superior with an air of respect, but a shot-reverse shot sequence leading to a revealing close-up create instant fear.  The shot originally is aimed at Lomax when something clearly catches his eye. Then, in the first person perspective, the camera closes up on the commissioner's right hand.  He seems to be casually scanning over his reading material, holding a pen between his fingers.  What really stands out in the shot is the, “jagged V,” embedded into the skin.  The shot then refocuses on Lomax’s horrified face, then there is one more close up of the commissioner’s mark.  The dramatic angles and shot sequence signify frightening realization of further infection.  The close up of the hand, a small part of the human body, takes up the greater part of the screen.  The shots of this scene mirror the goings-on within the film; what they thought was infecting a small area may actually be a large-scale invasion.

Although, unlike conventional literature, film does not have the opportunity to describe in great detail what it wants to be seen, several cinematic techniques can be used to convey a deeper context to what may otherwise seem like an unimportant scene.  Music and lighting are often applied in films to set a particular mood or tone.  More subtly however, the way the camera captures a film singles out the most important subject matter.  A simple shift in angle can force the viewer’s eye to the most significant aspects of a story.  In the case of this film these methods emphasize the most paranormal moments, which implies that its intention was to zero-in on, “what the film thought ought to scare you.”

Why I write, September 28, 2010

This one is a little newer from my very first quarter at UCSC.  My first assignment for my creative writing class last fall was a response to the question "Why do you write?"  Apart from the bit about knowing no one who cares (I found my people) it is still true.

Why I Write

It is ironic that when asked why I write I am at a loss for words.  I suppose that I write because I rarely have nothing to say.  In a world where spontaneous verbal outbursts are generally frowned upon, writing becomes the only viable outlet.

When I began school it became apparent that the way I chose to communicate would never be understood.  My teachers and peers did not appreciate my “excessive” interest in the randomness of life.  It was only when we were taught to write that I could spend my days expressing myself.  The scratch of my pen was easily mistaken as the execution of times tables.  When I write, I can say anything and everything.

Recently a friend of mine asked me what my ideal job would entail.  After a moment of thought it came to me; I want to talk all day long.  Naturally, she suggested teaching.  But she didn't understand.  I want to spend my days talking about the things that interest me: my everyday musings and observations.  Things that matter to no one, but affect everyone.

I want to spend a four-hour car ride contemplating the invention of the automatic seat-belt. Who came up with this creation?  Were the government and car manufacturers in alliance to encourage car safety?  And why are humans so intent on such simplifications?  As you can imagine, not many people are so fascinated by my boundless curiosities.  But I would suffer greatly without an outlet for all of my questions: the things I need to know and want other people to think about.

So I write.  I write because I know no one who cares.  I write because I know there is someone who cares.   I write for my own sanity.  I write because with my pen I can translate the language of my mind.  I write because it is the only thing I have ever loved.  I write because words are my medium, my art.

Wolf Pack, March 1, 2010

I found this in my google docs. I really have no explanation for it, but I thought it was pretty hilarious so I've decided to include it.

You emphasized the wrong word.  I think you meant I AM the wolf pack.  Incidentally, I AM the wolf pack.

On The Letter from Birmingham Jail, Fall 2008

This is a write up of some in-class essay I had to write from my AP Lang class Junior year.  Total crap.

Rhetorical Strategies for Persuasive writing: A Letter From Birmingham Jail

In his Letter from Birmingham Jail, Dr. Martin Luther king Jr.  discusses the pain caused by racism and segregation.  He communicates the feelings of isolation and humiliation that African Americans are forced to endure at the hands of racism. Through his use of serious tone and emotional diction that appeals to pathos,King explains why he and other African Americans can no longer "wait" for equality.

King’s tone throughout the letter is serious and establishes the fact that African Americans are suffering.  His use of the phrase "stinging darts" suggests that he is hurt directly by racism in American society.  This imagery is an implication that the white clergymen he is addressing might not see how serious the situation is, but simply consider it a game.  White Americans have not had to suffer through the pain that African Americans have endured.  King wishes to show the reader that he cannot wait when this sort of injustice is still happening.  He explains that people are being "lynch[ed] at will."  This statement clarifies that the laws are not being followed by either side of the issue.  Clearly the government does not have control over what is happening to these people and this lack of control applies to the African Americans themselves.  King does not take the issue of segregation lightly, and uses his tone to communicate to the American people that they too should stand up against the injustice.

The emotional diction that King uses appeals to pathos and is a primary rhetorical strategy used in his argument.  His biggest appeal is the use of familiar terms such as referring to his fellow African Americans as "[his] black brothers and sisters."  The idea of the unity he feels with his fellow black man makes them seem more like a community.  At this King assumes that the reader will think of their own family and their own community being harmed.  From this point of view people can understand his need to protect his family.  King also uses an anecdote about the tears in the eyes of his, "six year old daughter," allowing the audience to better understand and sympathize with their pain.  He uses his young children to show that innocent people are being victimized.  Through the use of this story as a method of appealing to pathos, King associates himself to every parent or family member who reads his letter.  The idea of his "twenty million Negro brothers smothering in an airtight cage of poverty," is sickening.  The imagery in this statement implies mass amounts of suffering.  The pain that the poverty brings about is like a slow death that they cannot escape.  It is almost unbearable to even imagine this sort of agony which is exactly what King intends.  King wants the reader to know that the only escape from this "cage" is to no longer have to "wait" for liberty.

The grief that is brought about by segregation and racism in America is clearly displayed in King's letter.  By showing white Americans exactly how he and his, "Negro brothers," are treated, he is intending to open the eyes of his audience.  He invites them to see the pain in the lives of the average African American, and asks them to understand why he can no longer wait for equality.  He knows that the law is unfair, and he has to break some in order to change his world.  

Body Image, February 3, 2010

Another work for my community college, this time English 1B.  I am left to assume that these assignments were primarily intended to express opinions.

Body Image

With the fashion industry and the media focusing on women and men who have bodies beyond the realm of possibility for the average person, unrealistic expectations have been set for young, impressionable girls and boys.  While clothing no doubt looks better on a lithe figure, the use of these images in magazines, movies, and the media have caused body image distortion.  This is particularly apparent in young girls, who may become unhealthy as a result of trying to meet these excessive standards. 

As a young women in this society, I find this practice to be harmful, but not the only cause of self-distortion.  Women in magazines and Ads are often too skinny.  This leaves girls with the idea that it is unacceptable to be a natural healthy weight, but occasionally these images are offset by fit, powerful women who are not outrageously thin.  It is important for young people to understand that the women in these magazines are not average, and should not be emulated to the point of extremes.  Magazines and media are not the sole cause of unhealthy body issues, however the expectations they set are harmful to young women.  Instead of advertising absurdly unhealthy women, magazines should focus on women who have healthy, fit bodies who would be good role models for young people everywhere.

This is what ROBERT FROST is reduced to in the 12th grade, October 25 2008

THIS is the type of BULLSHIT assignments that I had to do in my senior English Lit class. In order to graduate early, I had to go from AP classes to "regular" education.  I remember I specifically dumbed down my answer because my teacher constantly yelled at me for my "expansive analysis." I have to say that this class made me ashamed of the K-12 education system in California.

Mrs. Irwin

World Lit

25 October 2008

The Road Not Taken

What does Robert Frost discuss in his poem, The Road Not Taken?

+ + E + S S + T + + + W + + +
+ + + C O D + + R + + A + + +
+ + + R N + A + + A + N + + +
+ + R D + E + O + + V T + + +
+ Y + E + + R + R + + E + + +
+ + + G + + + E + + + D L + +
+ + + R + + + + F + + + + + +
+ + + E + + + + + F + + + + +
+ + + V + + N + + + I + + + +
+ + + I + E + + + + + D + + +
+ + + D D K C A L B R + + O +
+ + + D + + + + + + A + W + +
+ + O + + + + + + + E T + + +
+ R D O U B T E D + W + + + +
T + + + + + + + + + + + + + +

(Over,Down,Direction)
BLACK(10,11,W)
DIFFERENCE(12,10,NW)
DIVERGED(4,11,N)
DOUBTED(3,14,E)
ROADS(9,5,NW)
SORRY(6,1,SW)
TRAVEL(8,1,SE)
TRODDEN(1,15,NE)
TWO(12,13,NE)
WANTED(12,1,S)
WEAR(11,14,N)

Robert Frost's Poem, The Road Not Taken, is about the hesitation one man feels when choosing one path over the other. In a literal sense, Frost discusses the wariness one feels when they come to a fork in the road and must their way. It may also be perceived as a poem about life choices. Every decision a person makes may change the course of their life. In this poem, Frost expresses that pondering of whether or not his choice was right.

Changing Ideas About Women June 25, 2008

This is a paper I wrote for my Women in Art class at Saddleback College in 2008.  I would have been going into my senior year of high school.  I have no idea what the prompt was, but I am sincerely hoping that it was meant to be an opinion piece about the evolution of art in relationship to cultural constructs.  Who the hell knows, but I got and A in the class.  Try not to let that make you doubt the system too much. (Photos were included for contextual purposes.)

Changing Ideas About Women

In art, women have almost always been perceived as sexual objects. Whether the artist intends for the painting, picture, or film to portray women as vain nymphomaniacs, it can be argued that this is how most viewers see them. This lead to people not only believing this of the women in the artwork, but women in general. Beginning in the mid 60's and throughout the 70's, people began to make more sexually explicit films. These films showed women in more compromising sexual situations. Throughout time women have been shown as secretly seductive. In pieces in the eighteenth century, a painting of a young women writing a love letter might have been considered scandalous. People would believe the surely this girl is thinking impure thoughts, as all women do. As these films in the 60's and 70's were being made, women were no longer only thinking impure thoughts but acting them out as well. It may have seemed to the creator of the film that he was making women seem more independent, but instead it made women look even worse. It gave males in society even more of a reason to look down upon them. In her book, Vision and Difference Griselda Pollock explains that being a women is not necessarily an inborn trait. She explains that another writer, Elizabeth Cowie, writes that to be a woman is not decided by biology or society but rather to be a women is the act of not being a man. These beliefs are further shown in biology and society by the products of media and art. If an artist wishes to change the ideas and beliefs that femininity entails then they have to portray a women in a way that cannot be seen as purely sexual objects, but rather as actual beings.

Julie Christie starred in the film Shampoo released in 1975. This film was about a man who had sexual relations with many women, while maintaining a “personal” relationship with one particular woman. The women committed adultery and chased after the man in the film. They were not portrayed particularly modest or chaste fashion. The women all chased after men and relied on them in their lives. Christie played the role of a women who escaped the clutches of the hairdresser that had so many sexual relations. The writers, Robert Towne and Warren Beatty may have thought that by liberating this woman they were showing women with more independence and status in society, however she was actually shown as a gold digger who only cared about money rather than actual love. Pollock quotes Elizabeth Cowie, “'Film is a point of production of definitions but neither unique and independent of, nor simply reducible to, other practices defining the position of women in society.'”(Pollock, 43). In saying this, Cowie shows that although filmmakers may try to project different views of women, they are no different than the works of art that are displayed in museum. They will portray women in the way that they are perceived in society, whether that was the intention or not. In this particular film, Christie is still shown as a narcissistic nymphomaniac just as the paintings of Eve, or the eighteenth century painter Pietro Antonio Rotari's “Young Girl Writing a Love Letter” were perceived during the time that they were painted. Although films were generated during the twentieth century, and became most popular during the most prominent years of the women's movement, they have done nothing to help the image of women in society. Although they have made the idea of sexual independence for women more feasible, these films did not make women seem independent in other aspects of life; such as financially or emotionally.

Recently, artists who have seen the perceptions of women remain unchanging have attempted new types of art that portray women in different ways. These pictures are generally not sexually related, but make women look odd and in some cases ugly. In one untitled photo by a recent artist named Cindy Sherman, a woman is shown in a distorted way. The area around her eyes is painted white, and her stomach is protruding as if she is pregnant. Her facial expression is intense, and somewhat frightening. Her hair is spiked up in a androgynous fashion. Although her skin is shown, and nipples are visible, it is not shown in a sexual way. She is not over sexualized as many paintings and photos show women. She is distorted and would be considered ugly by popular culture. Apart from her breasts she does not seem to be of any biological sex. Her hair could be short like a man's, or put up like a woman's. Her shirt is collared like one that a man would wear. When looking at this photo a viewer might see it as sexual, but most likely people will view her with curiosity, and have to take a second look to decide whether it is a man or woman. This kind of art has become a way to show women in a new way. She is not in a vulnerable position nor is she over exposed like most women in art. Now, when this photo is being looked at, viewers will not look at is and think immediately of feminine stereotypes. They will have to concentrate on the photo to understand its meaning and look at the woman as an individual rather than part of a group that has never been well perceived.

With this sort of contemporary art surfacing, women might not only be seen as sexual beings. The independence and individuality of women is better shown through these pieces than they had ever been in any other forms of art. These feminist artists are using the distorting of images to make people think more about the actual existence of females rather than the idea that to be a woman is to not be a man. Women will become recognized for their impact on society around the world. Film has become better at portraying women in this way, however these ideas still need to progress, and these forms of art will only assist this process.

New Project! The Archaeological Dig into my Creative Past

As I am about to graduate with a B.A. in modern literature from UCSC, I have begun to recognize my own potential for growth in relation to my academic history thus far. So, since: a) no one reads this blog, and b) I am not currently writing anything outside of my classes, I have decided to something of an archaeological dig into my "creative past."  I am searching my google docs and my gmail archive for all things literary that I have written and I will post it on my blog.  I realize this might be incredibly embarrassing but it is true.  I am fascinated by the opportunity to understand my own intellectual development and the evolution of my writing style as I have wondered (that was a typo but I've decided to stand by it) the lovely path of public education.  Should be quite a journey.